What She Missed [Pokemon Fanfic]
+2
Celeste~
KYUU
6 posters
Page 1 of 1
What She Missed [Pokemon Fanfic]
by KYUU February 2nd 2011, 8:55 pm
So, you know how I just get too many ideas for sites? Well, I decided it was time to turn them into fanfiction instead. BE HAPPY, IRON-SENPAI! D< -ahem- This is the first chapter of my current fanfic. The first chapter is in first person, so my writing sucks because of that.
What She Missed
Chapter One
What She Missed
Chapter One
~MAKOTO’S POV~
"M-mama! Pa-papa!” The sound of screeching tires filled the air, along with the screams and cries of terror. Two figures laid limp on the cold cement road, limbs twisted in unnatural ways. Dark red pools of blood surrounded them, growing larger as each second passed. Off to the side was a large truck, the once-white paint now stained crimson with blood, tipped over onto its side, showing the large dent from the impact in the front.
They were gone. Mother and Father were gone, forever this time. I was alone and so scared… All I could do was stand there, hands clinging to the sides of the pale blue dress I was wearing, knuckles turning white from my tight grip. Green eyes wide in disbelief, tears staining my face, and blond hair clinging to the sides of my face, damp from the rain that started falling from the sky only moments before the event. “Why...?"
There it was again, the only memory of my past that now haunts me in my dreams. I slowly opened my eyelids only enough to see what was going on around me, even if my vision was limited by this. From inside the large glass tube I was in, everything seemed to be colored a pale green. Then again, this was because of the liquid that filled the tube was light green.
Men and women in white lab coats scurried around the room, scribbling on papers, pressing buttons on machines, and talking in hushed tones to each other. The room we were in was completely white, except for the flashing buttons and screens on the machines. The only other color was the grey uniforms with large red R’s on them. Those in uniforms were standing guard at each door, not allowing anyone in or out without an ID and a good reason.
'Team Rocket? Oh, right. They are my captors…'
Why was I in the tube? It was simple. Ten years ago, my parents died on my fourth birthday. With no where to go at that point, I was wandering the streets. No one cared to even go that weird grown-up thing where they spoke in high-pitched voices towards a little kid. Everyone just went on with their lives.
Only one person actually stopped to take another look. That was Professor Krue, the head of Team Rocket’s scientists. He had put on a kind face, one that easily fooled me into accepting his offer. Hey, as long as there was a roof over my head and food to eat, I would accept anything at that point in time. The only problem was that he took me to my current location--a hidden Team Rocket laboratory.
I was instantly stuck into a tube like the one I am in now. They even stuck a long needle in my arm, sending some white liquid into my body. I was stuck in that tube for a few weeks. The liquid slowly altered my body until I had Pokemon features! My blond hair bleached itself white, and my chocolate-colored eyes turned into a light shade of blue.
It was only years later that they finally told me that I had Reshiram DNA inside my body. How they were able to get the DNA of a Legendary Pokemon, the world may never know.
So, back to the present. Upon noticing that I had woken up, scientists were instantly swarming me. They sounded like a swarm of Beedrill instead of speaking like normal humans. I’ll never understand scientists...
Thankfully, the Beedrill-like noise died down as they drained the green liquid from the tube, allowing me to step out. Most would probably collapse from floating in whatever that liquid was called for... I think I was in that tube for a week this time? Well, at least that test was shorter than most. Anyways, my legs were use to floating in liquid for long periods of time and then finally getting back on solid ground. I was quickly escorted back to my room. The room I had been living in for the past ten years was completely white--the bed, the walls, the floor, everything. The only other color was the large bundle of dark gray and blue curled up in the corner.
Once the door closed behind me, the bundle of fur was up in an instant, tackling me to the ground. "I’m fine, Tryphe! They didn’t do anything to me. It was just a few tests, like always, remember?" The large lion-like Pokemon narrowed her eyes at the word tests. We both knew that there was more to the word. I was now a Reshiram Pokemorph from those ‘tests,’ while the Luxray was now able to speak every language known to man and Pokemon.
"You should really be more careful.” The lion-like creature’s yellow star-tipped tail twitched irritably near the ground. “I fear for your safety. Arceus knows what they plan to do with you!” The Luxray’s dark fur prickled at the possible outcomes.
I laughed at this. “Tryphe, you sound like my...” A pause. Oh, how I loathed saying the word that would have came next... The electric-type instantly sensed my discomfort and tried to help by nuzzling me. Another laugh, this time one with a hint of sadness.
Days went by, and I could tell that Tryphe was planning something. The large lion-like Pokemon kept pacing back and forth, muttering in her native tongue. I, of course, could understand her quite well. When the scientists ask what she was saying, I just replied with something on the lines of food.
Another few days went by. It was nighttime now, and the Luxray was ready to put her plan into action. One of the night guards always made his round at midnight. When the fool opened the metal door to my room, Tryphe sprung into action, paralyzing the adult with a powerful thunder fang.
The electric-type then pulled me out of the room that was my prison for ten long years. Getting out of the laboratory at night was surprisingly easy. All we--well, Typhe--had to do was knock out three other guards before we were out of the building. Everyone else must have gone home that night…
"What now--" I wasn’t even able to finish. The Luxray sent off a large, powerful thunder at the building, causing it to explode. Light blue eyes widening in horror, Typhe had to drag me away from the sight. It seems that the explosion had knocked me onto my back, thus making it easy for the lion-like creature to drag me.
With the fading scene of the building blown to bits (which destroyed all of Team Rocket’s research from experimenting on Tryphe and I), I was finally able to stand again. Gulping, I let out a few squeaky words, my voice trembling. “Wh-where to n-now?”
The Luxray didn’t reply right away, as if thinking it over first. "Wherever the wind takes us, I guess..."
"M-mama! Pa-papa!” The sound of screeching tires filled the air, along with the screams and cries of terror. Two figures laid limp on the cold cement road, limbs twisted in unnatural ways. Dark red pools of blood surrounded them, growing larger as each second passed. Off to the side was a large truck, the once-white paint now stained crimson with blood, tipped over onto its side, showing the large dent from the impact in the front.
They were gone. Mother and Father were gone, forever this time. I was alone and so scared… All I could do was stand there, hands clinging to the sides of the pale blue dress I was wearing, knuckles turning white from my tight grip. Green eyes wide in disbelief, tears staining my face, and blond hair clinging to the sides of my face, damp from the rain that started falling from the sky only moments before the event. “Why...?"
There it was again, the only memory of my past that now haunts me in my dreams. I slowly opened my eyelids only enough to see what was going on around me, even if my vision was limited by this. From inside the large glass tube I was in, everything seemed to be colored a pale green. Then again, this was because of the liquid that filled the tube was light green.
Men and women in white lab coats scurried around the room, scribbling on papers, pressing buttons on machines, and talking in hushed tones to each other. The room we were in was completely white, except for the flashing buttons and screens on the machines. The only other color was the grey uniforms with large red R’s on them. Those in uniforms were standing guard at each door, not allowing anyone in or out without an ID and a good reason.
'Team Rocket? Oh, right. They are my captors…'
Why was I in the tube? It was simple. Ten years ago, my parents died on my fourth birthday. With no where to go at that point, I was wandering the streets. No one cared to even go that weird grown-up thing where they spoke in high-pitched voices towards a little kid. Everyone just went on with their lives.
Only one person actually stopped to take another look. That was Professor Krue, the head of Team Rocket’s scientists. He had put on a kind face, one that easily fooled me into accepting his offer. Hey, as long as there was a roof over my head and food to eat, I would accept anything at that point in time. The only problem was that he took me to my current location--a hidden Team Rocket laboratory.
I was instantly stuck into a tube like the one I am in now. They even stuck a long needle in my arm, sending some white liquid into my body. I was stuck in that tube for a few weeks. The liquid slowly altered my body until I had Pokemon features! My blond hair bleached itself white, and my chocolate-colored eyes turned into a light shade of blue.
It was only years later that they finally told me that I had Reshiram DNA inside my body. How they were able to get the DNA of a Legendary Pokemon, the world may never know.
So, back to the present. Upon noticing that I had woken up, scientists were instantly swarming me. They sounded like a swarm of Beedrill instead of speaking like normal humans. I’ll never understand scientists...
Thankfully, the Beedrill-like noise died down as they drained the green liquid from the tube, allowing me to step out. Most would probably collapse from floating in whatever that liquid was called for... I think I was in that tube for a week this time? Well, at least that test was shorter than most. Anyways, my legs were use to floating in liquid for long periods of time and then finally getting back on solid ground. I was quickly escorted back to my room. The room I had been living in for the past ten years was completely white--the bed, the walls, the floor, everything. The only other color was the large bundle of dark gray and blue curled up in the corner.
Once the door closed behind me, the bundle of fur was up in an instant, tackling me to the ground. "I’m fine, Tryphe! They didn’t do anything to me. It was just a few tests, like always, remember?" The large lion-like Pokemon narrowed her eyes at the word tests. We both knew that there was more to the word. I was now a Reshiram Pokemorph from those ‘tests,’ while the Luxray was now able to speak every language known to man and Pokemon.
"You should really be more careful.” The lion-like creature’s yellow star-tipped tail twitched irritably near the ground. “I fear for your safety. Arceus knows what they plan to do with you!” The Luxray’s dark fur prickled at the possible outcomes.
I laughed at this. “Tryphe, you sound like my...” A pause. Oh, how I loathed saying the word that would have came next... The electric-type instantly sensed my discomfort and tried to help by nuzzling me. Another laugh, this time one with a hint of sadness.
Days went by, and I could tell that Tryphe was planning something. The large lion-like Pokemon kept pacing back and forth, muttering in her native tongue. I, of course, could understand her quite well. When the scientists ask what she was saying, I just replied with something on the lines of food.
Another few days went by. It was nighttime now, and the Luxray was ready to put her plan into action. One of the night guards always made his round at midnight. When the fool opened the metal door to my room, Tryphe sprung into action, paralyzing the adult with a powerful thunder fang.
The electric-type then pulled me out of the room that was my prison for ten long years. Getting out of the laboratory at night was surprisingly easy. All we--well, Typhe--had to do was knock out three other guards before we were out of the building. Everyone else must have gone home that night…
"What now--" I wasn’t even able to finish. The Luxray sent off a large, powerful thunder at the building, causing it to explode. Light blue eyes widening in horror, Typhe had to drag me away from the sight. It seems that the explosion had knocked me onto my back, thus making it easy for the lion-like creature to drag me.
With the fading scene of the building blown to bits (which destroyed all of Team Rocket’s research from experimenting on Tryphe and I), I was finally able to stand again. Gulping, I let out a few squeaky words, my voice trembling. “Wh-where to n-now?”
The Luxray didn’t reply right away, as if thinking it over first. "Wherever the wind takes us, I guess..."
Fail, ja? -shot-
KYUU- Posts : 261
Points : 19204
Reputation : 0
Join date : 2010-07-31
Re: What She Missed [Pokemon Fanfic]
by Celeste~ February 2nd 2011, 10:20 pm
It's good! You should give more of an indication as to what Reshiram looks like though :3
Celeste~- Posts : 411
Points : 16535
Reputation : 1
Join date : 2010-07-31
Location : On Vacation at Planet Earth. -
Re: What She Missed [Pokemon Fanfic]
by Legion February 3rd 2011, 6:21 pm
I will not. :I
Description. That's all I gotta say. Description.
"The Luxray sent off a large, powerful thunder at the building, causing it to explode."
Could be made so much better with a little bit of detail, and of course emotion would help. *deposits two cents*
Description. That's all I gotta say. Description.
"The Luxray sent off a large, powerful thunder at the building, causing it to explode."
Could be made so much better with a little bit of detail, and of course emotion would help. *deposits two cents*
Legion- Posts : 358
Points : 10400
Reputation : 0
Join date : 2010-07-31
Re: What She Missed [Pokemon Fanfic]
by KYUU February 3rd 2011, 8:54 pm
>w>; I can never describe well while in first person...
-takes two cents and uses it to ride a kiddy ride- :D
-takes two cents and uses it to ride a kiddy ride- :D
KYUU- Posts : 261
Points : 19204
Reputation : 0
Join date : 2010-07-31
- Wolvine -- Posts : 1142
Points : 22128
Reputation : 0
Join date : 2010-08-02
Age : 26
Location : The Land of Fish
KYUU- Posts : 261
Points : 19204
Reputation : 0
Join date : 2010-07-31
- Wolvine -- Posts : 1142
Points : 22128
Reputation : 0
Join date : 2010-08-02
Age : 26
Location : The Land of Fish
Re: What She Missed [Pokemon Fanfic]
by Bee February 5th 2011, 3:11 pm
What kind of ride can you go on with only two cents? >.O
Bee- Posts : 1915
Points : 20528
Reputation : 22
Join date : 2010-07-31
Age : 1024
Re: What She Missed [Pokemon Fanfic]
by KYUU February 5th 2011, 3:52 pm
The cloud ride! :'D It's like riding on Goku's cloud~ <3
KYUU- Posts : 261
Points : 19204
Reputation : 0
Join date : 2010-07-31
Re: What She Missed [Pokemon Fanfic]
by Celeste~ February 6th 2011, 1:56 am
Are you going to post more...?
Celeste~- Posts : 411
Points : 16535
Reputation : 1
Join date : 2010-07-31
Location : On Vacation at Planet Earth. -
Re: What She Missed [Pokemon Fanfic]
by KYUU February 6th 2011, 9:54 pm
o3o The next chapter is on Fanfiction.Net.
KYUU- Posts : 261
Points : 19204
Reputation : 0
Join date : 2010-07-31
Re: What She Missed [Pokemon Fanfic]
by Celeste~ February 7th 2011, 1:34 am
Link becauseI'mtoolazytoogoonandfindit please?
Celeste~- Posts : 411
Points : 16535
Reputation : 1
Join date : 2010-07-31
Location : On Vacation at Planet Earth. -
Re: What She Missed [Pokemon Fanfic]
by - Wolvine - February 7th 2011, 5:17 am
Mm well since I've now bothered to read it, I have to agree with Iron and Swifty. Too little description. The other thing is the amount of times you kept saying 'the large lion-like Pokemon' bothered me D: The speed of the story was too fast, jumping from one thing to the next, and it took time to understand what was happening; I had to re-read a few sentences twice. This is again, probably because of the description. But other than that, this has great potential. :3
- Wolvine -- Posts : 1142
Points : 22128
Reputation : 0
Join date : 2010-08-02
Age : 26
Location : The Land of Fish
Re: What She Missed [Pokemon Fanfic]
by Legion February 7th 2011, 3:41 pm
How do pokemon trainers know what a lion looks like, since their lions are Luxrays?
Legion- Posts : 358
Points : 10400
Reputation : 0
Join date : 2010-07-31
Re: What She Missed [Pokemon Fanfic]
by KYUU February 7th 2011, 4:02 pm
@ WOLVINE - e.e Paragraph full of words... As I've said before, I fail at descriptions when it comes to first person. >>; Also, it only said 'the large lion-like Pokemon' twice...
@ IRON - ... I really don't know... That is just how they described a Luxray on Bulbapedia, so I'm sticking with it.
@ CELE - click They changed D: to 3; in the disclaimer. >w>;
@ IRON - ... I really don't know... That is just how they described a Luxray on Bulbapedia, so I'm sticking with it.
@ CELE - click They changed D: to 3; in the disclaimer. >w>;
KYUU- Posts : 261
Points : 19204
Reputation : 0
Join date : 2010-07-31
Re: What She Missed [Pokemon Fanfic]
by - Wolvine - February 8th 2011, 12:33 pm
IT STILL BOTHERS ME. DX
Maybe its the fact that they are too close together. Switch one of them for her name somewhere.
Maybe its the fact that they are too close together. Switch one of them for her name somewhere.
- Wolvine -- Posts : 1142
Points : 22128
Reputation : 0
Join date : 2010-08-02
Age : 26
Location : The Land of Fish
Re: What She Missed [Pokemon Fanfic]
by Celeste~ February 8th 2011, 10:18 pm
Trinity...? For a guy's name...?
Celeste~- Posts : 411
Points : 16535
Reputation : 1
Join date : 2010-07-31
Location : On Vacation at Planet Earth. -
Re: What She Missed [Pokemon Fanfic]
by Bee February 8th 2011, 10:21 pm
Wait what, Trinity's a guy? *only skimmed over story* o~o
Trinity is not a guy name. It shouldn't be.
Trinity is not a guy name. It shouldn't be.
Bee- Posts : 1915
Points : 20528
Reputation : 22
Join date : 2010-07-31
Age : 1024
Re: What She Missed [Pokemon Fanfic]
by Celeste~ February 8th 2011, 10:22 pm
That's kinda the point of what I said... :D
Celeste~- Posts : 411
Points : 16535
Reputation : 1
Join date : 2010-07-31
Location : On Vacation at Planet Earth. -
Re: What She Missed [Pokemon Fanfic]
by KYUU February 10th 2011, 3:31 pm
-shrugs- I had people from a Pokemon RP I'm on create a character that they want in the fanfic, and that was one of the characters created. x3 His nickname is going to by Triny. :'D
KYUU- Posts : 261
Points : 19204
Reputation : 0
Join date : 2010-07-31
Re: What She Missed [Pokemon Fanfic]
by Celeste~ February 10th 2011, 11:44 pm
What weird, sad people.
Celeste~- Posts : 411
Points : 16535
Reputation : 1
Join date : 2010-07-31
Location : On Vacation at Planet Earth. -
Re: What She Missed [Pokemon Fanfic]
by Rivermask13 March 18th 2011, 2:16 pm
*cheers* CHAPTER TWO! CHAPTER TWO!
Rivermask13- Posts : 53
Points : 15117
Reputation : 0
Join date : 2011-03-18
Location : in your closet!
Similar topics» Not really a Fanfic Fanfic.
» *tackles website* I missed you guyses
» Character-New fanfic
» Full Extent Pokemon
» The Ancient Pokemon; Legendaries and their Origin
» *tackles website* I missed you guyses
» Character-New fanfic
» Full Extent Pokemon
» The Ancient Pokemon; Legendaries and their Origin
Page 1 of 1
Permissions in this forum:
You cannot reply to topics in this forum